Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future (Oscar Wilde)

Every morning I sit at the table, pop open a horrific Mountain Dew, light my cancer causing cigarette and proceed to scroll through my facebook feed.  I don't really know what I am looking for. Maybe something silly that a friend's children did, a sweet note from my husband, details on the newest upcoming adventure for family members or a happy ending story from a pit bull rescue.  Whatever it is I am blindly looking for, it seems I haven't stumbled upon it during the past few mornings.  But this morning I found it.

This picture stopped me.  The older man calmly walking down the street, the contrast of his black suit and hat against the light gray concrete. Something about this photo (other than just the words) reached out and grabbed me.  I wonder what this man has seen in his life. The wonderful things he accomplished, the things he had to endure. I would love to sit and talk awhile with this man.

Then I look at the words on the picture. What a fabulous thought. "If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?"  Maybe the question should be would I even want to do it all over again? Somethings yes and others I would give anything to erase the memories of.  But alas, let's play along... here is a list of things I would change if I lived my life over again. (Broken down by life stages)

Childhood through high school

• Spend more time outside playing. 
• Not worry so much about what everyone else was thinking about me.
• Spend less time staring at myself in the mirror and more time loving who I was at that very moment. 
• Worked harder in school. 
• Wish I would have grown a thicker skin.
• Spend less time worrying about adult issues and more time just being a kid.
• Wish I would have realized that the whole world does not end when the boy you like doesn't like you back, when your best friend doesn't want to hang out or your grounded. 
• Wish I would've taken better care of my body.... and my 1989 Mustang.
• Waited. 
• Kept in contact with my older brother. 

Post High School 

• Saved more money
• Cherished every single moment with my son while he was little
• Taken more pictures and videos
• Walked away sooner
• Grew a backbone before I was 20. 
• Wish I would have had more confidence in my own abilities
• Not let everyone else's problems or issues be a priority over my own life.

From 20 to 27

• Learned to let go and move forward sooner
• Spend more time playing outside, less time worrying about bills.
• Quit drinking sooner.
• Not let anyone influence my thoughts about myself. 
• Stand tall in my own beliefs, my love and my decisions.
• Save more money.
• Work harder. 
• Sleep less. 
• Spend more time with my extended family.
• Had a chance to say good bye. 
• Held you just a little longer. 
• Stayed in school. 
• Never say, "I can't"
• Let the house be lived in. 
• No driving without a license. 

I am sure there are a million other things I would change if I knew then what I know now. But many of these things are the reason why I am who I am today.  So, I think I'd rather not go back into the past and change anything. One small change could mean I wouldn't have what I have today.... a wonderful husband and an amazing son.  I'll take what I was given and what I lived through, learn from it and be a better person today than I was yesterday.