In the past few weeks we have had some really annoying run ins with Colton's father. I won't go into too many details about the arguments because I know that a lot of people read this and the last thing I want to do is start any drama. But, I do need to get this off my chest.
Since I was only 17 when Colton was born, I will say that within weeks of his birth I knew that I would not spend the rest of my life struggling and juggling a relationship with his father. We are two completely different people that just so happened to have a fun summer once. And that's okay too. So long as Colton grows up healthy and happy...that's all I want for him. I have never been one to think that just because a child is born that marriage should follow. In some instances, especially in teen parent situations, marriage is the very last thing that should come out of an unexpected pregnancy.
For many years John was a very big part of Colton's life. He was at every school function, called and asked for more time with him when he had time off work and did a lot of really neat things with him. In the past two years, for whatever reason, his involvement has drastically changed and has dissipated. He refuses to go to any school functions because he was not happy with my decision to transfer Colton to the elementary right down the street from my house. He still takes Colton almost every weekend for his time with him but he has ceased to ask for any extra time with him or take any initiative even though he does not work.
His involvement in Colton's life has changed drastically and he has become very strict with him. I have tried several times, after talking with Colton, to reach out to John. I have tried to find out what is going on, what the problem is and how I can help make their relationship better. Like I said before, I want Colton to grow up happy and healthy. If reaching out to someone that has done nothing but say and do horrible things to me is what will help my son, I will do it. After several attempts and getting nothing but the blame game, hung up on, and the silent treatment I have turned instead to focusing on the positive at our house and making sure, with out any doubt that my home is always a positive, safe and loving environment for him. I make sure that all conversations that Colton has with me about John are supportive and positive.
A few weeks ago Tim and John got into an argument which got pretty heated pretty quick. I was at work so I wasn't there to facilitate their conversations like I usually am. However, we rarely exchange more than, "I'll be there at 6." or "Please have Colton call me." Other than that the conversation is mute and that's just fine with all of us.
After the argument Tim called me at work and he was very upset. I remained calm and collected and even chuckled a little bit. He was very frustrated with me. "Why aren't you upset about this? Why aren't you fuming?" I sat for minute and ponder this.
Was I upset? Yes. I was upset that their conversation escalated to the point it did. I was upset that we were lied to and that it affected our income that day. But, I was not surprised. I was not in the least bit thrown off. I expected it. Isn't it sad when you have dealt with so much rotten from someone that you come to expect it.
The point that I have come to is that I no longer consider him in my everyday life. I don't expect anything from him. He has dipped and dodged his child support payments, has lied to say he has things to do and can't take Colton just because he knows I have plans to do something or I have to work.... I just expect it. At this point I just don't consider him at all.
Do I feel that he should be paying child support? Yes. Because he should help provide for his son, financially. He lives at home with his dad and has no real responsibilities. He has no real bills to pay and yet still cannot splurge for school clothes, tennis shoes or anything else. Should he help support his son, yes. But am I going to argue with him about it, worry about it and let it ruin my day? No. My husband and I provide for our son just as any other family would. We never consider what is or isn't being helped with...we just write out the check and go on with our day. Because that is what parents do.
My son has a very supportive, loving and caring family. He has a mother and step father that would do anything in the world for him. While I will never cut John out of Colton's life, I see this as his family. Family goes above and beyond to make sure that you are top priority and that you know that you are the greatest gift given to them. I conduct my family as though there is no "weekend warriors." I do everything as any other family would do if Colton's parents were together. (If that makes sense). I don't consider anything outside of my home because...this is our family. In my mind and in my heart this is where my focus needs to be at all times. So no I don't get upset, yes I can chuckle it off.... because I don't consider it.
