Monday, March 26, 2012

I Miss You...


"Down in it" tonight....




Na na na na na na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me, I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

Na na na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you, goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again, I know that I can't
I hope you can hear me, 'cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

I've had my wake up, won't you wake up
I keep asking why?
And I can't take it it wasn't fake it
It happened you passed by

Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back

Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somehow you're not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

Na na na na na na na
I miss you



Saturday, March 24, 2012

Calm in a Storm

Well, it's been a couple of days!  There you go Angie I cooled it off for a day or two. Ha ha!

I've been thinking a lot lately about how things are going and I have to say..... give or take... things are going great!  This is the most content, and at peace I have felt in a very long time.  We are all healthy, my husband and I both have pretty good jobs. (Not dream jobs by any means, but jobs we like and that make $) Everything seems to have slowly fallen into place when I wasn't looking or freaking out about it.

Besides just physical health and finances, it is amazing to feel so at peace with myself.  I used to be very worried about what other people thought about me and I felt odd in my own skin.  But lately I have felt so great. I think, at almost 27, I'm finally coming into my own.  All of the baggage that I carried around with me from the past, especially issues with Colton's dad.... I have laid it all down and stepped away from it. I no longer have time to worry about what anyone else is or isn't doing. My sole outlook and concentration has been on my family and myself.


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

From Teen Mom to Now

I've been super sick the past two days so this morning I spent much of my time watching "16 and Pregnant...Where are They Now?"   Which got me thinking.... why are they telling us where they are 10 months  after their show aired?  I'd like to see them 10 years from now.  That's when everything finally falls into place.

Colton was born one week before my 18th birthday.  Man, oh, man did I have the most naive, sugar coated idea of what was going to happen after he was born.  For sure I thought everything was going to be sunshiny and rainbows..... I was so wrong.

Since being a teen mom I've learned...
  • That no matter what I am doing, I must do it first and foremost as a mom.  Whether I was 17 or now that I'm almost 27, every I do I must do from the stand point of being a mom.  (It took me awhile to figure this out.)
  • Being a teen mom doesn't mean you're a bad mom, it just means you made an unwise choice.
  • Girls become moms the day they find out they are pregnant....boys never seem to grow up.
  • It is very hard to keep friendships with other people your age if they do not have children.
  • There's no time to make sure your face and hair are perfect....your baby just peed through his clothes... get on it!
  • You don't have to stay with someone just because you have a child together.  Sixteen is too young to be deciding who you are let alone who your husband will be.
  • Relationships must be based off of pure unselfishness.  There's no room for "me, me, me" when the baby is crying and dinner is burning on the stove.
  • When moving out of your parents house with a six month old baby at only 18 years old you better love the taste of Ramen noodles and mac n cheese! 
  • As a mom, your child's feelings being hurt at school hurts you twice as much as it hurts them.
  • You must be warm, inviting, caring and unconditionally loving while also being strong as an ox and protective like a mama lion.
  • There's never enough money at the end of the pay period.
  • Sometimes you need to put aside a bill for a week in order to go out and do something fun.  Life is too short!
  • Being a teen mom is hard work but you should enjoy every moment.
  • Time goes by so fast.
  • Don't blink.
  • Don't sweat the small stuff, there's always tomorrow and things will get better.
  • Don't let any one's label define you.  Be yourself.
  • Budgeting money never works, something always comes up.
  • A night at home on the couch with my son and husband are far more fulfilling than any night at the bar could ever be.
  • Being the youngest mom in your child's class can be a little intimidating.
  • If someone offers to help, take it.  Trying to do everything yourself because you have too much pride only make you look like a fool.
Time goes by so fast it seems like I don't even remember half of what happened in the past nine years! I do know this, if I could go back there are a lot of things I would have done differently.  But then again, if I changed anything then I might not end up right where I am today.  So I guess the lesson here is to cherish every moment while you have it and be grateful for all the good and bad in your life because in one way or another it gets you where you are meant to be.









Monday, March 19, 2012

Scary Mommy Moment

Yesterday I had a very scary mommy moment.  Since Colton is almost nine I would think by now I would have had many more of these moments than I actually have had.  When he was two he split his chin open, resulting in three stitches and when he was 7 he fell and cut his eye brow open which ended in 6 stitches.  I was there when he split his chin open and it freaked me out but not as much as yesterday's incident.

This weekend I went out of town for a "girls weekend" shopping with my mom, aunts and grandma so I missed my two year old nephews birthday party.  When I got home yesterday I went right out to get him a present and picked up Colton.  We went over to my sisters and I figured we would be there for many 10 minutes.  Figuring that my nephew was probably napping and that my sister was probably busy with her "Sunday fun day" chores.

Colton has a very small attention span.  Asking him to sit quietly or just to be still is pretty  much in one ear and out the other.  He is always on the go.  So it didn't take long for Colton to convince my niece to go outside and play basketball. My sister and I were just chit chating away and laughing at my ever giggly nephew and his funny facial expressions when there was an urgent knock on the door.

My sister called out, "Who is it?"
......"Colton!"
"Just come on in!"
......."It's Colton with a bleeding head!"

Enter the precise moment when my heart drops into my stomach.

We ran to the door to see Colton with his face covered in blood.  Dripping from his eye lashes, off his chin, his entire face, red.  A sight that I was not prepared for.  The scariest mommy moment ever.    Insert panic.

I immediately reached back inside for my shoes and my sisters boyfriend says, "What's going on?"

"We're going to the ER!"

On the way to hospital he says to me, "Can I say a bad word right now?"  I gave him the okay and he says, "Good because this hurts like shit!"  I couldn't help but laugh.  Once in the hospital the registration lady asked him if it hurts and he nodded but then when she walked out of the little room he rolled his eyes and threw his hands up saying, "Are you kidding me? What a stupid question, of course it hurts!!"  Leave it to my son to tell it like it is!

Heads sure do bleed a lot.  All in all he only ended up with one staple. The doctor said he didn't really need the staple and that it would close on its own in a few days. So he gave us a choice of whether or not to put a staple in. But, I know my son and I know that it would get reopened while he played outside or he would not let me clean it because open wounds and shampoo do not mix well.  So, I finally talked him into the staple.  (With the help of my husband and his dad's dad.)  I couldn't look while the doctor put it in.  It only took a second but it was a second of scary mommy moment that I couldn't bare to watch.  Afterwards Colton agreed that it was much easier and less painful than any stitches could possibly be.

Here's what happened: Apparently he had the idea to try to slam dunk the basketball from behind the hoop.  He was standing on the back brackets so when he jumped,  he slipped and landed on his stomach bringing the hoop down with him as it landed on his head.

Not the exact hoop but you get the idea.


If I never have to see my kid hurt like that again I will be eternally grateful.  Although I am sure this is just the beginning.  There will be broken bones, many band-aids and many more stitches.

Holly's Ark?

Our Reptiles

I've always loved animals but I never really intended nor had I ever wanted to have a house full of reptiles! My uncle had a snake when  I was younger and it never bothered me.  But I also never held it or touched it.  We had three green anoles when I was a child but they lasted only a year or so. When I first moved to Cedar Rapids in 2007 my husband (then bf) had asked if I cared if he got a ball python and kept it at my house.  That never happened, due in small part to the fact that CR has a ban on all constricting snakes. (Outrageous, I know). 

Once we moved back to Waterloo, and their ban was lifted (for certain breeds of constrictors) it didn't take long for my husband and my son to jump all over it.  My one condition was that Colton had to be comfortable and able to hold the snake before we would get one.  I figured since Colton was only five that it would probably be awhile.  Little did I know my husband was sneaking him off to Petco to hold snakes when I wasn't looking! Shortly after Colton turned 6 we got Georgia. 
Colton and Georgia, Summer 2009

Georgia now

Shortly after we got Georgia, a guy that Tim works with "had to" get rid of his ball python because his pregnant girl friend said so.  So, I offered to take him.
JJ and I.  
JJ has been my favorite snake since day one.  He spends a lot of time out of the tank hanging out with me.  He also likes to find his way out of the tank to cruise around the living room when he is shedding.

Shortly after we got JJ I caught the reptile bug and so began out collection of reptiles.... At the beginning of 2010 we got, what I call, the triplets.  They are a female pastel het axantic bp, a female het pied and a male yellow belly.  All are 2010 babes. 
The Triplets:  Willow, Joplin and Bobby McGee

In the mean time we were given two other ball pythons.  A male pastel and a female normal.  The people that gave them to us said they were trying to mate them so they had them in the same tote.  Little did they realize that the female had a horrible respiratory infection.  It was so bad that the scales under her chin were rotting.  Obviously these people were not watching or taking very good care of their snakes at all!  We noticed it right away when we got home and put her and the male directly into quarentine.  Two days later we woke up to find the male dead.  We kept the female alive for a few months.  Pumping her with antibiotics, soaking her in the tub, doing everything we do.  Unfortunately, it was out of our hands and she passed away a few months later.   To say I was heartbroken would be an incredible understatement. 

Another snake that we were given is Zeus.  Zeus is a corn snake that my cousin gave us because she was going to move away to go to college and could not take him with.  I don't deal with him much because I don't particularly care for colubrids. 

Zeus

Some how we always end up getting asked to take in reptiles.  I have a very hard time saying no.... So when a friend of ours decided to downsize his collection and asked if we wanted a savanah monitor, I of course said yes!  Bojangles was pretty hard to get tamed down but after about 6 months he was pretty good with being held and handled.  Sadly, a few weeks ago my husband went to clean his tank and found that he choked on a cricket and died.  Again, I was heartbroken.
Bo Jangles

Another snake that was given to us, I call Baby.  He was refusing to eat and not doing very well so a friend asked us to take him and see how he does.  We had him eating a mouse on the way home from picking him up!  Baby is a red tail boa and he does not really like to be touched or handled.  So that is something that we are working hard at because a full grown boa that is angry is not something I want to be dealing with!
Baby

About five months ago I decided, for whatever reason, that we didn't have enough BPs.  Nuts, I know.  So we got Ozzy and Tiny.  Ozzy is a male pastel and Tiny is a female het ghost. 
Ozzy and Tiny


Snakes aren't the only reptiles we have though.  No, of course not!  I have an absolute love for bearded dragons.  They're so relaxed and they have the craziest personalities, they roll their eyes at you, tilt their heads and make you feel like a moron lol.  We currently have two juvenile beardies.... Sesame and Stephanie

 Sesame 

Stephanie

But two lizards really isn't enough is it???  A friend didn't want his Tokay Geko anymore so....

Manson

And, I've always wanted to Tegu.  I think they are so neat looking and the fact that they get to be about 4-5 ft long and almost 20 lbs is really cool.  So, this week, as an early birthday present to myself, I got Cobain! 
This is Cobain right after I picked him up. I always put my new reptiles into quarentine with just water and paper towels for the first few days so I can watch their health and make sure they're healthy before either introducing them into a tank with other reptiles, or laying out their substrate.  Cobain is now in a 40 gal tank. It won't last him long probably but for now it will do! 


So there you go.... a list and pictures of all of my reptiles! The other day someone told me we live like it's the "wild fucking kingdom!"  I had to laugh because it kind of is! But all of my reptiles are very well taken care of, live in tanks and not in rack systems, and are handled every day. 


In a few days I will put up a post about my dogs.  But for now, Happy Monday! I'm going to lay on the couch and listen to the rain outside. 




Sunday, March 11, 2012

S.O.S. Please Send Baby Dust



"There's an emptiness inside her. And she'll do anything to fill it in. But all the colors mix together to grey and it breaks her heart. How she wishes it was different, she prays to God most every night. And though she swears it doesn't listen. There's still a hope in her it might." ♪♫




Lately I have felt as though I am never home.  I am constantly exhausted, although I'm not really getting any less sleep than I was before and I'm really only gone about 10 hours more than usual.  Maybe it's all of the second shift hours that I've been working lately that makes me feel like I'm dying.  Either way, I'm really struggling tonight.

My husband and I have finally come to the conclusion that yes, we do want more children.  The problem here is.... when are we supposed to make these children?  Forget PCOS, forget the exhaustion....we are never home at the same time! It's pretty common knowledge that two people need to be in the same room in order to make babies. At this point I'm just so frustrated.

It's now 12:30 and I have to be up at 5am to pick Tim up from work.  Luckily I have the day off....but it really doesn't seem that way because I have a ton of laundry to do and I've fallen behind on house cleaning...to say the least. I've inhaled so much caffiene to keep me up and moving in the past few days, I might just be one big ball of "blah" by now.  This is definitely not helping in our TTC....but then again we're never home together so I guess it doesn't really matter anyways.


It's 1 am and I am "down in it" tonight.  Brains spinning around, anxiety threatening to spew over, and so overly exhausted that I cannot sleep.  Can I just get one night with my husband?  I'd give just about anything to snuggle up right about now.


Thursday, March 8, 2012

Super Stoli's Mommy

I am a very proud pit bull mom! I have spent a lot of time educating others, educating myself, and demonstrating responsibility in my community.  In my town an idea of a breed ban has been shut down multiple times and it seems that *so far*so good*.   Having had dobermans when I was a child, and working with doberman rescue I always knew that there were some breeds of dogs that people did not like. In my child mind I figured that people just like what they like.

It was not until I was 20 years old, and rescued my first pittie, that I learned about BSL, breed bans and dog fighting.  I was absolutely crushed and heart broken for the millions of dogs and their families.  I immediately began talking to people, reaching out to people and looking closer at city laws. Although I was face to face with ignorance and prejudice many times while walking my dog, Tink through petco or even on walks.  We were constantly asked things like, "Do you want to breed her?" (She was fixed.) Or, "I know where you could fight her!" (She bor the scars of abuse from the people we rescued her from.)  And my ever favorite, "No! Don't touch that dog it's a pit bull!"   (Yes, her face is so much scarier than your ignorance!)

But I had never stared down BSL like the day I received an email about Stoli.  The story goes that the man that had Stoli drove to pick up his kids for the weekend from his ex wife who also still had Stoli.  When he got there he realized how badly she was being taken care of and that his ex had bred her with a boxer.  He, not thinking, put her in the car and drove back home.  Little did he realize that his city has a pit bull ban.  The city animal control had threatened to take her and euthanize her....yes, even while very pregnant.  In desperation they sent out emails to several rescues but everyone was full.  That is when the email got passed on to me and from the moment I opened the email that there was no way that I would let that happen.

Through some phone calls and great contacts I was able to set something up for her.  We were to foster her and the puppies (once born) until they were all ready to be adopted out by the rescue.  We drove about 2 1/2 hours to meet with Stoli's then family to do the hand off.  I had done a few hand offs prior but I was not expecting what was waiting for us in the Harley Davidson parking lot that day.  The man could not be there for us to meet.  According to his wife it was just too hard for him so he said his goodbyes at the house.  His wife and her mom met with us and brought us a very pregnant Stoli.  We exchanged information, the paperwork, some idol chit chat about the weather, Stoli's personality and their incredible love for their dog.  When the time came for us to leave we handed the leash back to them and took a few steps back.  I watched with my hear breaking as both women broke down in tears, hugging and kissing Stoli good bye for the final time. I hugged both of them, told them how sad I was that we were meeting under those circumstances, put Stoli in the car and broke down.   My heart absolutely broke that day.  For as I was saving a life, they were losing one.  All because of a horrible, ridiculous law.

Stoli and I at a rest stop on the way home from picking her up.

Two weeks after we picked Stoli up, on November 24, 2010 she gave birth to 9 of the cutest puppies the world has ever seen! (The first two of which were born on my couch!)  We cared for all nine puppies until they were adopted out to wonderful families when they were between 8 and 9 weeks old.  Shortly before the last three puppies were adopted I recieved an email from the rescue asking for updated pictures of Stoli and her information to put up on Petfinder.com.  It only took one glance at my husband for him to know....Stoli wasn't going anywhere.  I mean, really, she had puppies on our couch for pit's sake! 

Since we adopted Stoli we have become even more aware of the  ignorance and bias against pit bulls, especially in Iowa.  We've worked hard to make sure that our dogs are always on top of their good behavior, are never running loose, are always good advocates, and we've even begun educating the community.  In our neighborhood we are that "pit bull family."  When people see us out walking they stop us to talk about all sorts of things from health and obedience to breeding etc.  Now, we often get questions from people asking us, "Do you want to breed her?"  No, we don't condone it and she is fixed.  "Where do you get a dog like that?"  Rescue, don't shop.  But we also get a lot of good feedback from people as well.  They tell us how our dogs have changed their minds about the breed, how they hated pit bulls but had never even met one until ours, how sweet our dogs are.....   We proudly soak it up.  We'll be "that pit bull family" everywhere we go and we'll do it proudly and responsibly.

Stoli, my son and I walking in the first ever Pit Bull Awareness Day event in our city

Stoli and I sharing a treat at a gathering in the park